I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
