if you like me you must not know who I am
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
