well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
