he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize