So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
