I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize