I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
