I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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