Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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