she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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