Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
