I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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