i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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