He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
