i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
