are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
