He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
