Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
