you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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