I don't think brook has ever known best
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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