Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
