1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
