I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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