mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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