i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
