I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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