i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
