Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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