If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
