I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
