What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
