my phone needs a breathalizer
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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