textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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