Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize