if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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