Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize