New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
