you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
