just come out here and I will go home with you...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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