No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize