Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
