Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
