I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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