I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
