Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
