dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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