The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
