butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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