I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
