Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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