The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
