I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
