you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I would ride that face into the sunset
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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