some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
