I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
