He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize