did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
