I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
