what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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