My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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