Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
