I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
