i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
