How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
