he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize