Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
