8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
