walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
