OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
